"Surprise!" "What?"

My friends are so awesome that I sometimes find myself wondering if I deserve them... Tuesday night after church my best friend Rachael came to sit next to me "Hey, we are having some friends over after church to drink some hot chocolate if you want to come." she said "Oh well I might be able to come over, I think mom said something about having work to do." "I'll help ask if you think it will help convince her." she said enthusiastically(you would have thought that we were twelve.) we than decided to locate my mother "Please!!!" we begged after asking if I could come over. "No, not tonight," my mom started "I'm so tired, I just need to go to sleep." "Oh okay." was my reply. "Well sorry Rachael." "It's okay." Her and some of my friends left shortly afterwards. We were the last to leave. "Do you think people are still at the Roddericks?" Mom asked. "No I doubt it." Dad replied. "Well, they left only a little before we did." I cut in. "Nah, lets go home." Dad said. "Well, we'll stop by and see but we can only stay for a little while." said mom. When we pulled up Rachael was sitting on the porch by herself. "Why is she outside by herself when her friends are here?" I asked out loud. "I wonder if she's okay, I'll go see." I decided. I got out of the car and proceeded to question Rachael. "You got to come!" She exclaimed and gave me a hug grabbed my hand and rushed me to the door. "Yeah they decided we could on the way-" I was cut off as the door opened "Surprise!!!!" they all shouted. Needless to say I was quite stunned I almost screamed myself. Surprised I was, it was very unexpected. "You should have seen the look on your face, you just about jumped out of your skin." Seth said later on in the night. "Well, it was pretty surprising." I said half zoned out from the night.

I have never had friends that would care enough for me to do something like that. I was amazed. The most shocking part of the night was when I found out who thought to throw me a party, it was definitely the last person I expected, I thanked him and his sister for planning it. It was a good night all in all. My first feeling was happiness but the after thought was fear.. I've always been cautious of who I allow myself to get close to, the only thing certain and constant I have come to find is that people come and people go and too many people have gone... I guess I'm scared that I might lose these people, and they actually do care for me as much as I care for them, to lose them is the last thing I want in life, but one day it is inevitable either I will lose them, or they will lose me...

Sweet 16

"When is your birthday?" asked April. Sunday night we had went to the Oasis building to help rearrange some tables for the Fall Festival. "This coming Thursday." I replied. "Wow, this Thursday? I mean, I knew it was on November eleven, I just hadn't gathered that it was actually November already." Said Rachael. "How old will you be?" asked April. "Sixteen" I replied. "What will you do for your birthday?" asked Leah. For a short moment I reflected on the past three years. "Probably nothing." I said. "What? Why not? It's your sixteenth birthday." Said Leah. "I don't know, I've not really had a birthday party for the past two or three years so, I don't really see a reason to have one now, besides, we're all busy moving." I said simply. "Can't you ask your mom and dad to throw you a party?" she asked. "I could but if the idea isn't theirs' then they probably don't really want to and if they don't want to than I don't want them to." I said quite simply.

The Night Before.

"So your birthday is coming up." Said Kristi. "Ooooh! What are you gonna do?" asked her sister Felisha. "Um I don't know, probably nothing special." I said. "Oh... We don't normally have a party for my birthday either." said Kristi. "Just a little family get together with a cake." "That's nice." I said. "Nice? I don't get to see any of my friends.." She said. I wasn't trying to sound mopy... I really don't care. "At least you have a cake." I replied. I guess I shouldn't have said it. I really don't even like cake I was just saying it could be worse. "What do you mean? You don't get a cake?" She asked. "Well, I'm pretty sure I would get one if I asked for one." I said simply again. "But they don't buy you one? It's like a tradition. You're always supposed to have a cake on you're birthday." She insisted. "Why?" I said bluntly. "Because," she laughed "it's a cake, you don't need a reason why." 'I would rather blow the candles out of ice cream than a cake anyways.' I thought. "okay." I said giving up on arguing with her.

Friday.

"What do you want for your birthday?" Asked Dad. "You ask me that every year, I always tell you the same thing, I don't know." 'when will they stop asking?' I thought as sighed. "Well if you don't tell me I won't know what to get you." Said Dad. 'Which is exactly why I don't tell you.' I thought once more but decided to remain silent.

The thing is, whenever my birthday comes around I am reminded how little everyone knows me. There are few material things in life that I want. Other than that I just want to know that they care. A party where the family or friends decided to throw it for you without even seeing if you wanted one just because they wanted to be nice, that says "I care". And if you have to ask me what I want for my birthday than that says. "I don't know you well enough to know what you want without having to ask you" that or "I don't feel like taking the time to think about what you like or what you might want for your birthday". So if you want to know what for I want for my birthday it's for you to figure it out on your own. I'm not trying to be mean but every time someone asks what I want for my birthday I feel like it's for one of the reasons above. If you ask me the best gift you can give is a gift that says I care...

A casual wednesday at the Brown house...

"Late for another Funeral.." Dad said as he scurried out of his bedroom. Yes, a funeral, recently we had went to sing for a dieing old lady, she was so precious and totally ready for what was coming. She felt she was prepared. The last song we sang was "Amazing Grace" and it was so sweet that she joined in. This was the same lady who's funeral they were attending. Recently our lives have been rather hectic. Quite sometime ago I posted a blog saying we were moving to Athens from Cleveland.... Now we are in the process of moving back to Cleveland from Athens. It's a very long and somewhat confusing story that I wouldn't dare make you endure. This Wednesday isn't casual due to the fact that Mom and Dad were attending a funeral(I don't want you to think that we attend funerals on a regular basis. XP) it is simply normal because it is so full. Not only did they have a funeral to attend but tonight we will also be going to a church service with Bro. Wynn in knoxville, and tomorrow, we have grandma and grandpa visiting, Friday we have a friend spending the night as well as dinner and a movie with our friends at 7:00-whenever (I'm not sure if we will go or not) as well as a youth group trip to a corn maze at 1:00 on Saturday... *sighs* I have a feeling that the days will be getting longer... Oh well. :)

Big Sensitive Guy

Okay, okay, he's not really that sensitive. I can understand why he would be upset. I was such a jerk to him and I don't know why, I was just joking but I guess I touched on something that was a little more than a joke to him. The last thing he said to me that night was "I'm sorry I'll be around tomorrow to make your life miserable." that put a somewhat sinking feeling in my stomach. 'You don't make my life miserable!' I wanted to yell so loudly, 'You make it anything but...' of course, I'm not a very gutsy person as well as the fact that he was already in his car and gone.

The next morning he actually was acting all happy and he was being a lot of fun to be around. We hung out a lot of the day. Since he was acting so nice I didn't think to say anything about the night before to him. Then during the service we were running camera and I noticed how bad my thumb looked(A completely different story) "Hey *person*," I said "yeah?" he asked "remember how I told you last night about when I hurt my thumb?" "No I don't think so." he replied. "Oh you don't?" I said once more, I know I had told him about it. "Oh yeah," he said "that was right before you started telling me that I'm a gloomy person and need to cheer up or people weren't going to want to be around me." he stated quite simply "I remember now." I cried.... I didn't mean to upset him and the fact that he was bringing it up again must mean that I really did hurt his feelings. 'But I never said people won't want to be around him I was talking about myself' (It's a very long and detailed story that I don't feel like typing out right now).

So whenever we got off camera's the moment service was over I asked him about it. "Hey *person*, did I offend or upset you last night?" I asked him. "A little..." He replied. "Well I really am sorry... I didn't mean to I was just joking, and you're my friend and I do care about how you feel, especially if the way you feel is a result of my actions or behavior... So... I'm really, really sorry..." I said, feeling much better after having done so. "It's okay, it's not like I was mad, I was just... I don't know." He said and smiled at me.

So that's over and done with, and my feeling bad for offending him wasn't why I posted this blog. How many times have I offended someone and they just haven't told me? Well there is a very easy way of telling whether or not I'm serious about the things I say, if I'm serious then I won't say it, if I'm joking I will. It might seem strange but I have this thing about upsetting people, I don't like to and I would never do it on purpose. So if I feel the things that I'm saying are true and might upset the person, especially if I'm speaking seriously to this person, than I will keep my mouth shut. However if I feel the things I'm saying are totally untrue and won't upset them than I say it as a joke(like someone calling me fat, having a waist-size of a tooth-pick I obviously won't be offended). So if you ever catch me saying something that offends you, you should actually be pleased cause I mean the total opposite. :D Does that make sense?

Neat Freak..?

My sister went to stay with my sister in Murfreesboro for a week while Jack(my nephew) stayed with us. I never realized how much of a neat freak I was untill she left.(Not that she's a slob just that it's easier for me to keep my stuff clean whenever it's just me) Our room has never been so clean and it has stayed that way for the entire week. Recently one of my brothers came into the room and moved something and they were so shocked when I freaked out on them because I had been unable to find it. "Everything has it's place if you would just put it back where you found it than things would be alot more simple." The statement(after I had made it) shocked me to. I'm not a super clean neat freak that panics everytime something touches the floor, I would just prefer it not to. I'm still trying to find out if it's a good or bad thing. I used to get annoyed with my grandmother because she is so clean and now I feel odd because I realize how clean I am.. I guess it's not bad to be clean and neat, I just need to not be annoying in doing so. :)

My "Secondary Automatic Gag Reflex"

Is my bellybutton... It might seem weird but anytime someone pokes it my first thought is the feeling that my stomach has just whirled upside down and the lurch that says, "Time to lose your lunch" clenches at my tummy. Queasiness is an automatic reaction anytime someone pokes it. I can't stand for it to be poked, or for anyone to poke their bellybutton, or to talk or describe bellybuttons, or for people to even show me their bellybutton. It's just not a nice subject for me.

Needless to say as you are probably already laughing pretty hard about what was previously stated, but people seem to find it hilarious! How is that funny? It's like sticking your finger in someone's ear, or mouth, or nose! It's just gross! I guess I can kind of see why it's funny but still. Today Leah(one of the awesome Libbeys I posted about earlier :) held me down while my other friend Rachael(who is also very awesome) poked my bellybutton more than once might I add.(They are both still awesome to me) I was sad afterwards, 'Why do they do that?' I thought sniffling inwardly. I was upset, but not to the point of tears, only in a mopey way.

Rachael has two little brothers that remind me very much of my own, annoying but adorable, who also know of my issues with my bellybutton. Today we went to a self defense class with them to observe them learn. They told these issues to their instructor, later on he came over and mentioned it to me. "Actually, most people miscalculate where my bellybutton is located." I stated quite simply, "Oh really?" He said inquisitively "Yep, it's because her torso is longer than most peoples." Said Michele. 'Great, he won't miscalculate now!' I thought. Later on he poked my bellybutton and scared me half to death. 'This big married man that knows martial arts just poked my bellybutton! What do I do?!' it was scary. He was a funny guy but, my bellybutton?! Really? Oh well. I don't understand people. :/

Yesterday; conviction, today; corruption, tomorrow...?

Judgment.

"Then the Lord rained brimstone and fire on Sodom and Gomorrah, from the Lord out of the heavens" Genesis 19:24. "Turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah into ashes, condemned them to destruction, making them an example to those who afterward would live ungodly" II Peter 2:6. Humans of today have ignored this example as to what God will do to those who live ungodly. What ever happened to "in God we Trust"? America was built upon the foundation of Christianity, but look around you and what do you see? People used to fear God now they mock him. Pornography floods the streets, alcoholic beverages are being promoted everywhere you turn, murder and rape is at an all time high, people constantly doing harm to their own bodies via drugs, smoking, alcohol, and God still has not forsaken us. What does he have to do to get people to see that he has always been there and always will be. No greater love. And what do us humans do? Spit on it. If I was in Gods place the world would not have lasted this long. It's sad to say and I've actually told some people that I can no longer say "I'm proud to be an American" in fact, I'm pretty ashamed of the fact. Life might be easier in America than it is in other parts of the world, but we are a country built on Christianity and we have totally forsaken our God for the exact things he would have us abandon. It's so sad to think that our America has become the "Sodom and Gomorrah" that God once destroyed as an example to us that would live ungodly and we have decided to overlook this and live ungodly anyways! It's unbelievable!

I suppose the church of today is the 'Lot' that's keeping God from destroying America because honestly I don't see much that's worth him sparing. "I can't honestly say I'm proud to be an American anymore, because it wouldn't be true."-me "Yep, I can't believe it's lasted this long."-Dad.

Life without Libbeys...

Okay, everyone know the Libbeys so I might as well just use names. :)

*The list(What libbeys are good for and why I would miss them)

Okay, so just for the record, I would miss all of the Libbeys if they ever disappeared from my life because they are awesome people and I love them all. These are just extras :)

Target Practice
Sunshine
Smiles
Make-up tips(can sometimes live without ;)
Hugs
Ride to resteraunts(and other places :P)
Volleyball and other things that involve moving ^_^

-Target Practice-
Okay so it might be a little harsh of me to say so but I have a joke that the only thing Seth is good for is "target practice" :) It would seem to be about the same thing with Josh(again only joking). Normally at lunch when the table gets quiet and everything starts to be boring, me and Josh or me and Seth end up have a mini battle with throwing stuff at eachother across the table. This last Sunday, they were on vacation. Conversation was going slow and I already had a piece of paper rolled into a ball already prepared to throw it at someone across the table. I looked up as soon as I had finished. Darn it! I thought No Libbeys.... Who am I supposed to throw it at now?! It might seem hilarious to you, but to me it was a serious delimma.

*Sunshine*
That's what I call Leah. She seems to be the best at cheering me up when I'm down, if not for saying something to make me feel better than it's her habit of honesty that puts a smile on my face. "Sharron?" "Yes?" "Are you wearing green eye makeup?" "Yes Leah. Why?" "No reason..." "What? Seriously, why?" "You kinda look like you're on drugs..." Yes I laughed, for quite sometime. I love her for her honesty. Anytime she's around on a day where the sun is hidden from me, the first song that comes to mind is 'I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day.' The funny thing is that I absolutely despise that song with every fiber of my being because its slow and makes me feel sad, when it's supposed to be a happy song. The second song that comes to mind is 'You are my Sunshine'-Now that's a happy song. :P

(: Smiles :)
Okay, so it's not like no one smiles when they aren't around. But I never have seen such a smile so bright and happy as Esther's. Everytime she smiles I can't help but do the same just because she's such a happy person. I swear there are always more smiles when she is around. I saw people smile alot while she was gone to but there is definitely a difference :)

Make-up tips.
This brings me back to "Sunshine". She is the only one that is honest about my makeup. When she is gone, half of the people I know tell me, "Oh wow, you're makeup looks awesome!" the other half says "What happened to your face?" and meanwhile I and simply confused. Josh normally enjoys making fun of me no matter how good I look so normally I ignore his comments. However, when Leah makes a comment about how my makeup looks I normally except it as her totally honest opinion. Thats what I like about her :)

~Hugs~
Leah and Esther give the best hugs on earth. Leah always does this thing, if I'm wearing a long skirt(as we recently decided it's not good to do when wearing a skirt that only goes to the knees is not such a good idea), where she picks me up and spins me around. I always feel totally dizzy afterwards but the main thing is that it is worth it lol. Esther always gives me an awesome hug just because she doesn't give me one that says 'Uh, I really don't want to hug this person and I wish she would leave me alone.' instead she gives me one that says 'Oh, yay, it's my happy little burnette friend whom I love so much, Hug and Happiness! YAY!' ^_^

Rides to Resteraunts
Normally I ride with Josh everywhere(I LOVE his car :), when Josh isn't available to ride with Seth is normally my second choice. I recently discovered that riding with Seth scares me half to death because his car is kinda odd in my oppinion, it's too smooth. I can hardly feel it accelerating or breaking, or turning, and honestly, I like to know whats happening when I'm in a car. The fact that I don't know in Seth's car just scares me a little bit. That and I know he hasn't wrecked, but the thought of riding with an inexperienced driver scares me too. So sorry Seth, I think I'll stick with Josh and Shelby. :) When Josh wasn't there that one Sunday, however, I had no idea who I was going to ride with. I'm just glad I chose to ride with Toby.

Volleyball
The weekend that the Libbeys were gone, was possibly the most boring weekend I've had since I've been here. No volleyball, no tolleyball, nothing. It was totally boring. I'm pretty sure that if a Libbey had been in town that we would have done something, especially since the weather was so nice. But since they weren't we didn't... Oh well. Good to have them back. I love them all bunches! :)

Eat it, eat it now. 0_0

It's not like I stopped eating when I started coming to this church, I've always been this way. I eat when I'm hungry until I'm satisfied, that doesn't always mean until I'm so full I feel like I'm going to explode, just until I'm no longer hungry. A lot of the time, I can go without eating and just not be hungry anyways. I once skipped four meals within two days, not because I think I'm fat and so I starve myself, just because I wasn't hungry. A bunch of people that I know think that I don't like eating in front of people, or that I think I'm fat, or that I'm anorexic, none of which is true.

I have tried to explain it more than once but normally to no avail. I'm just one of those people that, if I don't eat when I'm hungry, I just can't eat. It sounds strange, and I don't really know how to say it any better than I just did. Either I'm not hungry, or I'm hungry. If I don't eat when I'm hungry than my hunger leaves and I develop a headache. If I eat when I'm not hungry, I get queasy. But if I eat when I'm hungry, just enough to where I'm not, than I'm good to go for the rest of the day.

Recently I don't know who reads my blog because a bunch of people randomly come up to me and say "Oh, by the way, I read your blog." So if you're reading this, please believe me when I say "I'm not hungry" because if you guilt me into eating something anyways it really won't be good for me. :/

The way things were and the way things are.

I was looking back over some of my old blogs not long ago. I was amazed at how long some of them were. 'I must have had alot of time on my hands...' was my first thought. But then I realized that wasn't true. You see, even after school has started back I have more trouble trying to find something to occupy my free time than I do trying to find some time to do stuff. I guess the reason why they were so long was because there was alot going on and therefore alot to write about. Either I was frustrated because of something that had recently happened, or if I had had a busy day or if I had done something fun with my friends. But now there's nothing for me to write about :/ it's not like I don't have fun with my friends anymore. I just never think to write it out. So this will be a happy blog :)

My life is going great. I moved to Athens about six months ago(I think) and I have been having a blast since then. I can hardly think of a weekend when I haven't gotten to see my friends ^_^ which makes me happy, lol. I made a good friend this year, his name is David, I knew him before just not as well, and now that I do he has to be one of my best friends. He's fun to be around and I can talk to him about serious stuff to, and he actually understand :) So thats a good thing :P and some of my other friends I feel I have gotten to know a little better since I moved to Athens.

The one downside, I don't have my horses anymore. I mean, I own them, but they are still at the other house. I like my horses, I used to have so much fun just grooming Black let alone taking a nice ride to get my mind off of everything around me. It was a great way to relax and clear my thoughts and I don't have that anymore. But recently, the people that are allowing us to live in this house are going to let us put up a fence on their property and keep the horses there so that I will be able to take care of them like I used to. My days are probably gonna get alot shorter with them here but I can't wait! I keep rushing Dad to put up the fence or get the stuff so that I can. If I have to fence up the whole five acres myself I will to get them here. I'm so excited. I just hope it isn't all for nothing. We still haven't sold the house in Cleveland and after being this close I don't want to move back. :/

An upside to moving back, however, is that I will not lose the beloved creek, all the times I've spent there with my friends, all the long hours after a hard day reading my book on a log hanging over the water, the light glistening just so off of the water during the late twilight and the breeze blowing my hair out of my face as easily as my fingers pulling each strand behind my ear. It was always so peaceful. I was very content there, but since I'm happy here, this is where I want to stay. Those good times will never be forgotten, but I am definitely open to making new memories here. :)

To aspire to do great things.

My inspiration doesn't come from this world. All I know is what I feel in my heart, what God put there for me to desire. I don't try to make my head big by thinking I'm better than other people just because I want to do something good with my life. I don't even know what it is that I want to do. I'm sure with God's help that I will one day discover what it is that I am to do. I want to have a good life and I would love it if it was as simple as me getting married, having kids, dieing old and simply sharing God with people I meet along the way, and it may very well be something like that but I do know I want to somehow use my knowledge for the better. For God. I want to be open for him to use me in the ways he feels necessary. "Mankind is divided into three classes;" said Benjamin Franklin, "those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." I don't want to be any of these however, I want to be the one that inspires others to move in the right direction. :)

"Wanna get wet?" - I'll pass thanks.

Sunday immediately after church they had a baptism for some of our church family. It wasn't strictly those people, some people decided last minute that they wanted baptised to. "Are you gonna get baptised?" asked my friend David.- I have never been baptised. I don't think I'm "unholy" because I've never been baptised, and I'm not saying I'm not a christian either. "No, not today anyways." I replied. I recalled this question later on to Josh as we(Seth, Tim, Josh and I) drove down the road. "I've never really been baptised." I confessed to them. "You haven't?" asked Josh. "No." "Why not?" "Because, I want to make sure that I want to do it. Not saying I don't want to do it. I just don't want to do it just to get it out of the way. I want to do it to get closer to God. Right now I feel like I would feel pressed to do it just to get it out of the way. But thats not what I want." I stated simply. If that wasn't clear enough to you. I don't want to get baptised because I won't go to heaven if I don't(I'm pretty sure the theif on the cross was never baptised and God is no respecter of persons so why would he make an acception for one and not another?) and I don't want to do it because Mom thinks I should or because everyone else thinks that I need to be baptised. I want to do it because I want to do it for God. And it's not like I don't want to do it for him right now either, but right now I think that the only reason I would be doing it is because someone else wants me to. Maybe in the future I will do it for God, and for me. But not for anyone else.

Not thinking is never a good thing and yet some times thinking is just as bad.

I woke up in a grumpy mood today. I'm actually still in that grumpy mood, I don't know how I got in it. I just woke up and was snappier than usual. I made my cereal and right after putting the milk up I heard mom say, "Oh, can you make me a cup of coffee?" normally I would have happily replied, "Yes, I'll make your coffee." But instead that's not exactly what came out... "I wish you would have asked before I poured milk in my cereal." I said without thinking. "I didn't know you were going to whine about it. Never mind though, I'll poor my own coffee." I could have left it at that and not received the look like she wanted me dead but instead I decided to smart off again "Well, you don't like wasted cereal, and I don't like soggy cereal." I said again without thinking. Whenever I did think it was something like 'What on earth is wrong with me today?!' I'm lucky I didn't get back handed through a wall.

Somehow the words form in my mouth before they form in my mind. I ended up making her coffee, feeling sorry about my earlier display. I tried to go out of my way to be nicer since I felt very stupid for being such a jerk. This at least worked. But than I got irritated inwardly instead of outwardly and than would end up snapping because of something someone would request of me later on. I'm therefore having a very crappy day so far.

I also realize that I seem to normally only post things when I'm upset, if you wonder why I have found the explanation. I can easily express happiness, without worry of anyone but when it comes to anger, frustration, and sadness I can't quite express my feelings in fear of upsetting anyone else or offending someone or maybe putting someone in a dim mood. So I tend to try not to. This is why whenever I try to think on something, I only ever have sad feelings come back to me because that is all that is left.

Assumptions

One Sunday morning me and my friend were sitting on a bench talking when one of my other friends came over to us with a camera. "Can I get a picture of you two?" She asked. "Um... I guess." I started to answer when my other friend cut in with a blunt "No." I was a little confused. "Why not?" I asked him. "Yeah, why not?" my friend repeated. "Because, somehow that picture will end up on facebook and people assume too much." he stated simply. He had a very good point and so with that no picture was taken. However, I had taken a picture of us together quite some time ago and put it on facebook. People started commenting on it with stuff like "Aw, thats so sweet!" or "I knew they would end up together." Needless to say I got rather ticked. 'People do assume too much' I thought as that was the first thing that came to my mind and my thoughts went back to this conversation.

Just to clear things up, we do not like each other. I treat him no differently than I treat any of my other guy friends. I don't see why people half to make up a bunch of crap over something that is so non existent. He doesn't like me. We are friends, and that is that. So I wish people would leave me alone and let me live my life without their constant pushing and their scrutiny as if it's really any of their business to begin with. So that being said, please leave me alone.

Too mean?

Saturday night...

Standing around with some friends someone commented on my nails and how evil they looked because they are so long. "They look like witch nails." He said simply. "They do not!" I said in defense "They're music notes, what's evil and witch like about that?" "I bet they're music notes to an evil secular song to." He said ignoring my protests. "Well, your just... mean. That's what you are, mean." I repeated affirmatively. "I'm mean?!" He gasped, "This coming from you?" "I can hardly believe she said it either" another friend cut in. "Surely you of all people, who is so mean to everyone, can't possibly think that I am mean." He argued. This was a little upsetting, I'm not that mean of a person or so I thought. Everyone knows I'm just joking, right? They went on all night about how evil I was. By the end of the night I was more than a little annoyed. I jokingly call people a jerk, or a meany, and stuff of the sort, but only when I know they are joking. I told a story of one of these "jokes"at one time(just the other night in fact). "How do you even have friends?!" She exclaimed in wonder. "He knew I was just joking, I even told him so." I reasoned. "Are you sure?" "Yeah" *I think... :/* Maybe they aren't my friends, maybe its more the answer of tolerating me and putting up with me all day rather than hanging out... I don't know but that's not how I want it. I just don't want to pretend to be something I'm not either. Whats the point in having everyone love you if its not you they're loving... I'd rather have everyone hate my guts, than love me for being someone I'm not.

Rolling on a river.

Went kayaking for the first time today with Amanda, Brian, Michele, and Dad. It was great, but now I'm slightly burnt(The fact that I'm already pretty tan makes me slightly burn resistant. :) and my arms feel like noodles(It was a major work out), I got really wet, and at one point me and Brian went down some rapids without the kayaks. It was a great deal of fun and very tiring. Needless to say I would love to do it again some time. The only thing wrong is that it's expensive :(. It cost thirty dollars to rent a single(which are alot of fun ^_^) or forty-four dollars to rent a double(not as much fun but at least you can split the costs of the money with someone else AND have someone to talk to the entire time.) another problem with the doubles are that you would have to have someone strong in back because there is too much work for someone as tiny as me. That is why I have decided that next time I go I want to go with our entire youth group and simply share a kayak with someone else. =D I think it would be fun anyways..

Trying but not hard enough???

He's sixteen can play the drums and guitar, he's a great athlete, he has a job, he has already graduated high school, and his only problem when it comes to buying a car is that he has yet to find one. He makes it(life) seem so easy too! I really don't know what I'm doing wrong. I fell behind in school, I'm turning sixteen this year, I can never remember what grade I'm in, I don't have alot of money, I'm probably no where near graduating, I'm not that good at sports despite how active I am, I taught myself to play piano but it doesn't matter because I suck, the only thing I can do is sing and not very well because it only takes one note that's too high for my throat to cut off and everyone to think I sing awful. I wake up at 4:30 every morning and go to prayer service and come home at six, sometimes I nap and other times I go straight to work. I work around 10 hours everyday sitting in a car that doesn't have air conditioning or in the hot sun. I'm so tired that I keep forgetting where I'm going with this. Oh yeah, I really don't know WHAT I'm doing wrong, wanna help me out?

Losing them again...

I have always had my issues with getting close to people. My number one reason, losing them. I hate losing people I'm close to. She might not be gone forever, maybe not long at all. But what if she comes back different? It wasn't her choice to leave but what if she doesn't want to come back? We have had plenty of good times, and lots of laughs. I just hope your happy, I miss you!

Sharri

Update to my life.

Of life..

I'm moving! I thought it would be hectic, all the days driving back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and... I think you get the picture, moving stuff all the time between these two houses. I thank God that it has been a so far peaceful transaction. I think I like living in Riceville. I'm closer to my friends, and it seems for once in my life I'm happy, as in, no gloomy thoughts in the back of my mind weighing me down. My life is a good life. I've got friends, family, and a God that loves me no matter what! What else could I ask for?

!JFEST 2010!

Well, I guess the best way to sum it up is to say it ROCKED! Mr. Anderson claims he wasn't embarrassed when I head banged but he did give me a really weird look, I guess he always looks that way ;) Matthew West did a great job, band-less or not, he was awesome. He made up a song about snow cones(which by the way, was MUCH funnier than the so-called-comedian. I felt very sorry for that guy.). I know I embarrassed his little sister, I recall her words as, "People are starting to stare" I guess when me and my sister go to a concert it's bad enough, when we are together at one, it's plain awful. Needless to say, we should do it again.

My Week...?

.Perfect.

Totally Single

(Would like everyone to know that I'm not using actual names from here out. ^_^)

Sunday night just about everyone had left. J had just went to his car when Bro. C pulled up once more. He got out of the car and went to pick something up off of a bench. I almost laughed at the site of him carrying a purse. "She leaves this thing everywhere and the moment she realizes it's gone I have to drop everything I'm doing and go get it!" He mumbled to himself then stopped as he saw me. "What are you doing out here by yourself?" He asked as he walked over to me. "Watching my little brother and waiting for M and SR to get back from the oasis Building" I replied. As J started to drive off I thought out loud "I wonder if I left anything in his car? I leave more stuff in his car then I do anyone else's." I stated quite simply. I had almost forgotten Bro. C was standing next to me when he said "Oh, are you two dating?" "What?! Me and J? No...." I replied. "...no." I said once more confirmingly.

*****************************

Tuesday night near the end of the altar service I went and sat with my friend who I hadn't seen in a while. A little girl came up to me and whispered in my ear "Are you and that guy dating?" She asked. I turned to look at him then looked back at the girl. "No." I said flatly starting to despise such questions. "Ok." She said and turned around to the other girl standing next to her, "I told you." She said quite matter of factly. "Well, I just thought..." Whatever else she said was lost.

Later on that night...

I was sitting on a bench next to him(again) when another of my friends came out and sat on the bench opposite us. We continued to talk for awhile and then finally there was silence. "So..." said the one sitting across from us, "are you two dating now?" He asked innocently. My friend instantly moved farther away from me and shouted "I HATE YOU!" at the exact moment I started to say, "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!"

************************

There have been many people hooking up at our church as of recent, it would so seem that due to the fact everyone else is hooking up everytime I hang out with one of my guy friends I must be dating that person, I mean, why else would I be hanging out with him? Well, I'm tired of it. No, I'm not dating anyone and no, I don't plan to. People keep asking if I have a date for the Spring Formal and my answer is always, "Am I suppose to?" I don't think it's impossible for me to be just friends with a guy and I will prove it. I have stayed single this long and just because everyone else has a boyfriend or girlfriend does not mean that I have to! So yeah I am Totally Single and happy that way. ^_^

Clumsiness.... 0_o

So my day yesterday was bad, like REALLY bad... I guess what made it bad was that I'm so clumsy. I managed to break a door yesterday... "What?" yep... I don't hardly know how I did it, I suppose I was a little mad at Stephen when I closed it but still, a door?! Pretty bad. I also broke a vase, almost set our couch on fire and almost threw an oven mit into the oven. Yes, I was very clumsy yesterday, I also punched something so hard that my knuckles are internally bruised. So, yeah, I need to work on this alot. Like, alot of alot. Pray for me...

The picture- To take or not to take?

It wasn't five minutes ago and yet I have already forgotten how this insignificant conversation occurred. Have you ever seen pictures where the guy/girl who took it obviously took the picture him/herself? Well, my dad has, and sadly it would seem the only ones he has seen is taken by me or my sis. I wouldn't deny that I do take pictures of myself, it's not because I'm vain or think I'm pretty and worth the picture and or time to take the picture, it's just because I get bored and sometimes I just feel like taking a picture of myself. Now-a-days, it isn't hard to find someone who takes a picture of him/herself in fact it's quite common so that they have pictures for, Myspace, Facebook, Blogger, ect. ect. and it's not just girls.
Mom and dad were sitting in the living-room next to the kitchen(where I just so happened to be) when I heard dad say "...taking pictures of themselves all day long. I guess it's a girl thing."
That's when I walked in. "What? It's not a girl thing, there are plenty of guys that take pictures of themselves as well." I pointed out.
"Yes, but they don't take thirty pictures a day of themselves either." Dad retorted.
"Neither do I." I said defensively. Dad returned my words with a blank stare.
"I don't," I said once more finding the need to defend myself further, "as a matter of fact, I haven't taken not one picture of myself all day long."
"Whatever." was the only reply I received.

So, something tells me my dad remains unconvinced, but it's not a girl thing, and it's not a guy thing, it is simply a thing and that is that.

A more colorful life...

The last blog I wrote was at the beginning of the year. It's not been an overly long time and yet quite a bit has changed since, some change for the better and some change for the worse, but mostly better. As such is, I have decided to write this one blog with a full update of my life since(it's gonna be a long one) I am writing it for me more so then the few readers but here goes...

A more colorful life..

.P.E.A.C.E.

In my life, short lived as it is, peace isn't something that hasn't been something that's easy to come by. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed my life thoroughly for the most part, however we all have storms that we go through, I don't pretend I am the only one and that mine are far worse then those of the people around me. Despite the fact, it hurts. Still this past month God has given me such an astounding peace I don't want anything to change, but I know that isn't the way I should be thinking. I want to grow in God, to do so I know more storms will come and in spite of the peace I have now I welcome the challenge and hope to prevail. But still I thank God for the peace he has given me this month and I while it lasts I shall continue to enjoy the ease of my mind and I hope that I don't get to comfortable. But the fight has ended this past year and for now the taste of victory is sweet ^_^.

I still have my reasons to be angry and upset, but they are few and nothing that breathing won't help.

.N.O. .N.E.E.D. .T.O. .S.A.Y. .G.O.O.D.B.Y.E.

Otherwise known as the "The Call" by Regina Spektor.

I hadn't known him for long, a little over a year, but I still count him among my friends. We're not very and he wasn't the kind of person I could carry on a conversation with forever but I can't say I won't miss him.

He hadn't been at church Sunday morning or Sunday night, it was unusual but someone told me he had decided to go to another church. It had been awhile since I had talked to him when he came Tuesday and I had decided I would hang out with him because of it. I ended up catching him as he was leaving because I had not been able to hang out with him much Tuesday night either because he had seemingly disappeared(I'm not nosy enough to ask him where he was. I was only joking when I gave him a hug and said "I wanted to say bye cause I don't know when I'll see you again." I only meant that he had not been in church on Sunday but as it turns out he is actually switching his home church to one in Cleveland where he now lives.

I didn't find out till last night and, despite the fact that I didn't know him long and was never overly attached to him to begin with, it made me sad to think I wouldn't be able to see him much anymore. He wrote a blog explaining that he was changing his home church and why he had done so but that he would still be around simply not as much. At first I was only sad that he wasn't going to be around but then the song "The Call" by Regina Spektor came on. The chorus says "I'll come back when it's over(or when you call me, it changes through the song) there's no need to say goodbye." I simply thought, 'Hey, he's still gonna be around, there's no need to mope.' I decided not to act like he wasn't going to be around anymore, I'll just have to hang out with him more often when he is.

So to my friend- I'll miss you and I'll see you around.

.L.I.F.E. .W.I.T.H.O.U.T. .Y.O.U.

Somehow he's I never thought we would end up as friends when I met him, but we did. I remember the day we met clear as crystal, better then I remember meeting anyone else, and I don't really know why. It wasn't touching, I never thought much of him except as another person, and yet I remember. It took me over six months to actually talk to him and actually talk to him. It was after that, that we started hanging out and then became friends. Sometime later, I can't quite remember how much later, but he became one of my best friends, I opened up to him more then I did anyone else, I don't know why except that he was willing to listen. I really enjoyed his company but recently we've somehow grown distant. I really wish we hadn't.... We still talk, but not nearly as much as we used to, and not with as much cheer. Most of the time it is a simple "Hello, how are you?" "Good, you?" "I'm doing okay..." and that's the end of it. I miss him in this sense and I hope whatever happened to make us grow distant is mended soon. I don't have anyone to talk to with him....

.S.N.O.W. .D.A.Y.

I woke up this morning feeling reluctant to start my day. For some reason I didn't want to face whatever life held for me. Not long after I woke up it started snowing, only softly but it was snow nonetheless. Snow has always made me happy, despite how cold it is, it is soft, and pretty, it makes everything clean and white, and it's all in all beautiful. It makes me happy and smiley and puts a warm feeling in me. Even with that little bit of snow my day was turning out better. Imagine how happy I was when snow started pouring like rain at our house. Not thirty minutes later, the snow had already given a transparent layer of white to the ground, and exactly after thirty minutes it began to stick like glue. I'm happy to cut things short, very happy. I decided to take my horse out for a ride in the snow, for some reason it always makes me smile to ride my horse and as happy as snow makes me, I can imagine I was almost too hyper to sit on black(my horse). As I rode to the end of the drive way a large truck pulled in, out of it our neighbor, and my brother-in-law's brother, got out of the car. I hadn't even realized I wasn't wearing proper clothes for the weather when he asked if I was crazy, my response- "Just a little..."

I will have to say that is the end of my blog because my dad wants on the computer and I am off to play in the snow ^_^.

And then comes facebook...

It started out innocent, reading blogs, making an occasional comment, you know small stuff like that. He talked to certain people about certain blogs they had wrote and really enjoyed learning more about his daughters friends. Soon however it had became an addiction. The first thing my dad has always done when he gets on the laptop is check the weather and then his e-mail, it was one of those days that I realised, he was being sucked into the world of blogger...



It was cold when I woke up still misty in the early hour of the morning. I stepped into my slippers, a usuall way of starting my day, and walked into the kitchen. I already smelt the sweet scent of coffee, that stated dad was up. I heard a faint clicking as I walked toward the dining room. Darn, he's already on the laptop... was my thoughts at the noise. As I stepped into the dining room and turned he was crouched over the laptop click I heard more loudly now and then the a soft rubbing noise as his finger scrolled across the built in pad meant to be a mouse. I went behind him and saw the background of Esther's Blog. "What is the weather going to be like this week?" I asked my dad and waited impatiently for his long pause to end "huh?" He finally said once more, "the weather?" I said once more. "Oh yeah, I haven't checked yet." My face must have been ridiculous with the look of astonishment, "you haven't?" I asked once more. "No I haven't." "Ok.... Any new blogs?" I asked eyebrow raised. "Yeah, Jessie wrote one, now I'm reading Esther's." Then I knew it was an addiction but soon after it became an obsession, he created himself a blog, and then came facebook....

The real me~ What I want to be

Recently I've had to ask myself everytime one of my friends say "I love you!", or "You're the best!" What is the worth of having a friend if they only love you for who you aren't? Sad? Maybe... Used to I was comfortable with who I was, I was the blunt/cut to the chase, sarcastic, and sometimes maybe a little harsh kind of person. You must think- "No wonder she's changed, she must have been awful!" But I guess I wasn't really to bad, to go with my blunt sarcastic harshness, I had a good sense of humor, I was good at making people laugh, and most of the things I said were not meant to be hurtful(I joked around alot.) and if I was so bad I probably wouldn't have had as many friends as I did. However, when I first came to this church I was different. I hadn't changed I simply wasn't myself for the time being. When I became friends with some of the youth they liked me when I wasn't me so I thought then why change? But it hurts so much when everytime you're with your friends your life becomes a lie. I didn't want to be myself because they didn't like me they liked the sharron they knew. But I don't. I like me.

People at this church take me far more seriously then they should. I can be serious but there is a huge difference from when I'm being serious and from when I'm joking around, for instince- "Who is that walking around the church?"-Micah "Sarah Pallin..."- Me "Really?!"- Micah "No." -Me. So yeah stupid things like that, of course I'm not serious! But they don't seem to get my sarcasm. I am known as the spunk,y sweet, always hyper, always happy girl that everyone knows and loves- yeah right. I didn't used to be. Used to I was the, snappy, sweet, sarcastic, blunt, sometimes feared girl that everyone knew and loved. What changed? I didn't want change, not yet. I liked who I was then. My closeness to God didn't change but his importance did when I began to care about what people thought. God, I don't care what they think, I know you love me for who I am because that is who you made me. So just an apology in advance if I say something hurtfull that wasn't meant to be hurtful, but I'm going back to being me, you may start to know me as a stranger, cause you don't know me, no one knows me but God(and that's all that matters), but I want you all too know that my love for you guys hasn't changed one bit, only the way I express it. If I act strange the next time we meet, it's because I decided to be the real me.