Not thinking is never a good thing and yet some times thinking is just as bad.

I woke up in a grumpy mood today. I'm actually still in that grumpy mood, I don't know how I got in it. I just woke up and was snappier than usual. I made my cereal and right after putting the milk up I heard mom say, "Oh, can you make me a cup of coffee?" normally I would have happily replied, "Yes, I'll make your coffee." But instead that's not exactly what came out... "I wish you would have asked before I poured milk in my cereal." I said without thinking. "I didn't know you were going to whine about it. Never mind though, I'll poor my own coffee." I could have left it at that and not received the look like she wanted me dead but instead I decided to smart off again "Well, you don't like wasted cereal, and I don't like soggy cereal." I said again without thinking. Whenever I did think it was something like 'What on earth is wrong with me today?!' I'm lucky I didn't get back handed through a wall.

Somehow the words form in my mouth before they form in my mind. I ended up making her coffee, feeling sorry about my earlier display. I tried to go out of my way to be nicer since I felt very stupid for being such a jerk. This at least worked. But than I got irritated inwardly instead of outwardly and than would end up snapping because of something someone would request of me later on. I'm therefore having a very crappy day so far.

I also realize that I seem to normally only post things when I'm upset, if you wonder why I have found the explanation. I can easily express happiness, without worry of anyone but when it comes to anger, frustration, and sadness I can't quite express my feelings in fear of upsetting anyone else or offending someone or maybe putting someone in a dim mood. So I tend to try not to. This is why whenever I try to think on something, I only ever have sad feelings come back to me because that is all that is left.