"Surprise!" "What?"

My friends are so awesome that I sometimes find myself wondering if I deserve them... Tuesday night after church my best friend Rachael came to sit next to me "Hey, we are having some friends over after church to drink some hot chocolate if you want to come." she said "Oh well I might be able to come over, I think mom said something about having work to do." "I'll help ask if you think it will help convince her." she said enthusiastically(you would have thought that we were twelve.) we than decided to locate my mother "Please!!!" we begged after asking if I could come over. "No, not tonight," my mom started "I'm so tired, I just need to go to sleep." "Oh okay." was my reply. "Well sorry Rachael." "It's okay." Her and some of my friends left shortly afterwards. We were the last to leave. "Do you think people are still at the Roddericks?" Mom asked. "No I doubt it." Dad replied. "Well, they left only a little before we did." I cut in. "Nah, lets go home." Dad said. "Well, we'll stop by and see but we can only stay for a little while." said mom. When we pulled up Rachael was sitting on the porch by herself. "Why is she outside by herself when her friends are here?" I asked out loud. "I wonder if she's okay, I'll go see." I decided. I got out of the car and proceeded to question Rachael. "You got to come!" She exclaimed and gave me a hug grabbed my hand and rushed me to the door. "Yeah they decided we could on the way-" I was cut off as the door opened "Surprise!!!!" they all shouted. Needless to say I was quite stunned I almost screamed myself. Surprised I was, it was very unexpected. "You should have seen the look on your face, you just about jumped out of your skin." Seth said later on in the night. "Well, it was pretty surprising." I said half zoned out from the night.

I have never had friends that would care enough for me to do something like that. I was amazed. The most shocking part of the night was when I found out who thought to throw me a party, it was definitely the last person I expected, I thanked him and his sister for planning it. It was a good night all in all. My first feeling was happiness but the after thought was fear.. I've always been cautious of who I allow myself to get close to, the only thing certain and constant I have come to find is that people come and people go and too many people have gone... I guess I'm scared that I might lose these people, and they actually do care for me as much as I care for them, to lose them is the last thing I want in life, but one day it is inevitable either I will lose them, or they will lose me...

Sweet 16

"When is your birthday?" asked April. Sunday night we had went to the Oasis building to help rearrange some tables for the Fall Festival. "This coming Thursday." I replied. "Wow, this Thursday? I mean, I knew it was on November eleven, I just hadn't gathered that it was actually November already." Said Rachael. "How old will you be?" asked April. "Sixteen" I replied. "What will you do for your birthday?" asked Leah. For a short moment I reflected on the past three years. "Probably nothing." I said. "What? Why not? It's your sixteenth birthday." Said Leah. "I don't know, I've not really had a birthday party for the past two or three years so, I don't really see a reason to have one now, besides, we're all busy moving." I said simply. "Can't you ask your mom and dad to throw you a party?" she asked. "I could but if the idea isn't theirs' then they probably don't really want to and if they don't want to than I don't want them to." I said quite simply.

The Night Before.

"So your birthday is coming up." Said Kristi. "Ooooh! What are you gonna do?" asked her sister Felisha. "Um I don't know, probably nothing special." I said. "Oh... We don't normally have a party for my birthday either." said Kristi. "Just a little family get together with a cake." "That's nice." I said. "Nice? I don't get to see any of my friends.." She said. I wasn't trying to sound mopy... I really don't care. "At least you have a cake." I replied. I guess I shouldn't have said it. I really don't even like cake I was just saying it could be worse. "What do you mean? You don't get a cake?" She asked. "Well, I'm pretty sure I would get one if I asked for one." I said simply again. "But they don't buy you one? It's like a tradition. You're always supposed to have a cake on you're birthday." She insisted. "Why?" I said bluntly. "Because," she laughed "it's a cake, you don't need a reason why." 'I would rather blow the candles out of ice cream than a cake anyways.' I thought. "okay." I said giving up on arguing with her.

Friday.

"What do you want for your birthday?" Asked Dad. "You ask me that every year, I always tell you the same thing, I don't know." 'when will they stop asking?' I thought as sighed. "Well if you don't tell me I won't know what to get you." Said Dad. 'Which is exactly why I don't tell you.' I thought once more but decided to remain silent.

The thing is, whenever my birthday comes around I am reminded how little everyone knows me. There are few material things in life that I want. Other than that I just want to know that they care. A party where the family or friends decided to throw it for you without even seeing if you wanted one just because they wanted to be nice, that says "I care". And if you have to ask me what I want for my birthday than that says. "I don't know you well enough to know what you want without having to ask you" that or "I don't feel like taking the time to think about what you like or what you might want for your birthday". So if you want to know what for I want for my birthday it's for you to figure it out on your own. I'm not trying to be mean but every time someone asks what I want for my birthday I feel like it's for one of the reasons above. If you ask me the best gift you can give is a gift that says I care...