This is a
very random blog some things I will say on this were meant for certain people and some things are just things I felt the need(or wish) to share or simply things I've realized recently.
Thoughts:
Friendship...
Sunday night the youth went to McDonald's after night service. I ended up riding with John-mark, Haven, and Michele. Me and John started our own conversation(since we were in the front seats and had no clue what Haven and Michele were talking about) John looked over to me(we were talking about our friend) and said "You know she isn't going to be able to come around as much as she normally does so we need to be really nice to her okay?" I nodded my head and told him that I was always nice to her because she is my friend and I love her. "She's the first one who talked to me at this church and introduced herself to me with Rachel. She was also the first to get me a gift for my birthday... Actually, she was the only one to, including the members of my family. She is so sweet!" I told him. "I didn't know all of that." He told me.
Even as we talked about it I realized just how much our friendship meant to me, and not only the friendship but how much all of my friends mean to me. I was so used to the people at our old church, I had been around them for over ten years, and then all of a sudden they were gone and I had no one. We changed the church we went to and everything was completely alien to me(the fact that there was a certain person who liked to stay quite and stare at people didn't help). The fact that just one person had came up to me and said hello(awkward as it was) made me happy that these people weren't so strange and that I didn't have to be scared about making friends.
I had never before been in a youth group so large but because one person worked up the courage to say something to me I had confidence to say something back. The very next week someone else invited us to go on a camping trip with them. So yeah friends are pretty dang important to me. So despite whatever I have said(or might say) I want you all to know that I love you very much. There might be some other stuff on this same blog later on that might make you think otherwise but remember I love you and I'm just weird ;)
Outcast...
This might be one of those parts that I told you about that might make you have second thoughts as to whether I love you guys or not, remember despite what I say I love you all these are just thoughts that have come to me recently.
I have been called by many names since the day I was born. Sharry- just about everyone I know calls me this, Pocahontas- I'm called this very randomly and normally only when wearing braids(it's not my fault I am part native American it is my ancestors), Scary Sharry-normally only Michele when she is in a bad or playful mood but I was actually called this by Josh just Sunday so it is coming back to me now, Elizabeth- My mom and grandma like to call me by one of my middle names sometimes, but to me I am sometimes titled as 2nd favorite(in comparison to my sister) or the outcast. I'm not always thinking of myself as these things so don't get worried that I'm majorly hating myself :P In fact it has become quite common and nowadays it honestly doesn't bother me much. Still, when I remember all the times I have been left out or shunned I can't honestly say it doesn't hurt.
Recently(in fact it was this month) we had been informed that the entire youth group had went to a restaurant in Cleveland where we live. You have to understand that we live in Cleveland and every single one of our friends live in, where else, Athens, we have to drive forty-five minutes to an hour just to hang out with them and the rare times they come to Cleveland they don't even invite us. That's right they all get together come where we live and don't bother letting us know... XP! Sure I can understand, they've known each other for years so they want to hang out together cause they are all good friends, and me and my sis are, well... just friends. But that is because they hardly give us the chance to become "good friends" see where I'm coming from? That is why it gets on my nerves. It would be a different story if we were the outcast because they knew us and didn't like us(it would still be upsetting but a different story nonetheless), but they don't even know us, nor have they tried to get to know us and they shun us anyways. *sighs* Honestly I can't even get in on a conversation around them... But that to is another story and it will have to wait until later. Again, I love you all but I do wish you would include us more and get to know us before deciding to push us away, okay? I'm sure you can understand(I think?)...
Ignored...
This is that other story. You know how I can't get in on a conversation with them? Trust me it's not because I haven't tried. I have, I don't think I've ever tried so hard to get in on a conversation with them either and it's not because we don't have anything in common. There are only a handful of them that I have been able to talk to and that is only when it's a few people at a time. One time it was just me and one other person. I said hi, and he said hello and then we had a conversation and then while we were talking he turns around and walks off.... HOW STUPID! It was the most insulting thing on earth, I don't think I've ever looked at him the same way since. It got on my nerves and under my skin and still does and what's hilarious is that he calls himself my big brother... No... My big brother would listen to me when I spoke(believe it or not... probably not since no one does) I know because I have had a "big brother" at one time and he actually was one. Whatever, now I'm all caught up on the fact that he calls me his little sister... blah. Point is, how are we supposed to become friends if we don't talk? I can't think of one time in the past year that I have had a conversation that actually lasted with more then one person. In a whole year! I don't think anyone of my "friends" knows more about me then maybe, maybe, my favorite color!... Well... If I don't get off this subject I will have people hating me and thinking I hate them.. I don't want that...
Big Brother...
Okay so yeah, I bet a lot of you are wondering who this "big brother" I spoke of earlier is/was. So I will just start from the beginning.
I started working with my dad a two or three years ago. One summer he got an employee named David... That's right David I've talked about him more then once, if you were listening(yes that was a joke a little bit of humor). I became "attatched" so to speak. He was my best friend more actually he was my "big brother" I don't think I had hugged people outside of my family very often until after he came along. It was him who turned me into the annoying "hugger" that I am now. We talked all the time it's actually rather hillarious that we were such good friends he was afterall ten years older then me. I remember the first time we talked, he was the first to say something "Hi, I'm David" "Hi David, I'm working." Yeah how sweet... I wasn't to sweet back then but I couldn't help how sour I was towards him. I had recently "lost" quite a few of my friends(no they didn't die) but, I knew quite matter of factly that I would never see them again. I didn't want to go through that again but he was ever so persistant.
Finally he managed to get through to me as an aquaintance, we talked. No one had ever tried so hard to get me to call him my friend or to make me happy when I was sad. He told me all the time "You can pretend all you want but one day, you are going to call me friend." He was right, shell says "He was always so good at that "predicting" stuff", so he became my friend, apparently that wasn't enough for him and now he said "You are a little sister to me and one day I will be a big brother to you." This was also right. We became such good friends that when he killed my scorpion it didn't matter! Even though I had always wanted one, finally got one and then he killed it in same day(btw this was all accidental) it didn't matter to me. We were so close people actually thought we were related awesome right?! No wonder he was so important to me. It might seem selfish, but, I didn't want him to become friends with my sis... I know shame on me. I just knew that once they became friends I would become the 'outcast' yes it's back to that. This is where that "feeling" came from(have you noticed I use a lot of these "" yet? hahaha! It's so much fun!). Every friend I had in the past were great friends to me.. Until they met her. Sad really but I didn't seem so important afterwards.
Then, it happened. They met and became friends. Suddenly I had somehow appeared on the outside looking in on what friendship used to be mine. I had, once again, lost a friend but he had been more, I had lost my brother, and cruel as fate was, to my sister(omg it's starting to sound like a love triangle BLECH! Trust me it was not like that). I don't hate my sister I thought I would make that clear now lol. Anyways, I had always been(will be) second best to my sis no changing it, it just is, maybe because she was born first. When she was thing 1 I was thing 2 is this making sense? So yes it hurt that he started ignoring me, that I wasn't as important, that my own sister no longer spoke to me as much as she once did, that every single time they had a discussion I was left out. There was no longer room for me in this friendship I understand it now but I wish I had then, but that's not the point. He didn't have a home other then his car at the time, and so mom let him stay on our couch. Yay, he moved in... not. Now I was left out of every discussion in the house that I lived in. This was the time that animals and nature became such a great part of my life, I would take walks in our woods and clear my thoughts(there was nothing else to do). Well, I can't say it wasn't sometimes fun to have him in the house. We had some good times and some bad times then he moved into the yellow house on our property and one day. He left. That was it... Just gone. I haven't seen him since and that was the end of it. So that's what happened and now I sometimes wonder if I love him or hate him. So there.
Hugs...
This bit is going to be blunt... Really blunt actually, so blunt I can't believe it's coming from me. Now recently everyone is on the topic of hugging to the point it gets on my nerves(I said it was blunt right?). Now I don't want to get anyone upset and I know we all have different veiws, this has to be understood by you guys also or else it just doesn't work out well, but, I DON'T CARE! That's right, a hug is a hug, whether shared between friends, or husbands and wives, or even between boyfriend and girlfriend, it's still a hug. Personally, to me, a hug is a form of showing affection of friendship. It doesn't matter how the hug was(side, two armed, ect.) it's a a hug for goodness sakes get it through your head. In the bible even a kiss was shared between friends and not just friends guy friends(which nowadays is weird and awkward) and now people want me to think that a hug is wrong? Well like I said it's a matter of opinion so yeah. Whatever.
The fun part:
Now this is the fun part where I just share a bunch of randomness that has happened recently(this should be good).
Portuguese...
Weird title? Yeah pretty much so here goes the story...
Me and Michele were sitting outside playing phase ten, it was Michele's turn to deal she tends to keep count.
"Uno, Dos, Tres..." Shell continues to count to ten in spanish as she deals the cards.
I was feeling very bored and random and silly... Finally Michele ends.
"Stop pretending like you know Portuguese." - Me.
Michele just stopped and looked up at me. It wasn't long before we were just about rolling on the floor laughing till our lungs burned worse then our abs.
Goofy Goober...Yeah....
We went to the wynns one day and watched a movie with Micah, Haven and John...
When we entered Micah and Haven were playing video games and instantly turned it off.
"We already picked out the best movie ever!" Said Micah very happily. This was quite odd since last time it took like forever to pick out the first one. Haven nodded vigorously and I sat in silence eyeing them suspiciously.
"Okay..." I said very much unsure. 'this ought to be good...' I thought very sarcasticly.
They pressed play as Michele and I took our seats my nightmare came true... Spongebob.... Yeah, I'm not to fond of spongebob I think it's a waist of time(sorry to anyone who watches it). At about the time they started singing the "Goofy Goober Theme Song"(idk if I even spelled that right :/) Micah looked over at me with a big grin on his face, he knows that I'm not exactly... fond of spongebob(to put it delicately).
"Are you enjoying the Movie?" He asked that same smile plain on his face.
"No comment." I said plain and simple glaring at the television.
By the end of the movie Haven and Michele were singing Goofy Goober to the point of making me want to slap them.
To My Readers:
I'm not sure who all reads my blog so I will just say that I love you all, god bless, and remember, despite what I may have said earlier to offend you, it's all a matter of opinion, and I love you all very much.
