Tear drops on my pillow...

They don't care, they don't want to listen to me whine all the time and why should they? I don't need my so called 'friends' anyways. I didn't need them before I had them why should I need them now? Because I'm hurting... and I don't know why. But what difference does it make do they know? Do they have the answer as to why I'm in pain when I myself don't? Of course not... So why bother with them? I don't need them anymore I'm done with them, I'm done talking to them when they don't want to listen, I'm done watching them pretend they care when we all know that they don't. I wonder why they even bother acting like they like me when I know they don't as well as they do.-


dull thinking much? Yeah I know. These thoughts have been running through my head day in and day out for what seems like forever. I had finally opened up to my friend and I felt like crap it only did good to bring me lower. Recently... I don't know it's been pretty much terrible. I have a friend who's been treating me, not exactly badly but not half as well as this friend used to. We have grown distant and I don't like the feeling that I'm losing this friend because this friend is a very good friend... Or was one. I'm not certain of anything anymore I feel like I'm losing it. Last night I had a dream that I was falling... That was it, falling into the darkness I never hit the bottom and I almost wish I had. It was agonising there was nothing around to catch me I was simply being swallowed by loads of darkness it was almost terrifying. Somehow I felt like through this dream was a pitiful reality that this is what is happening to me now. I am falling and no one is there to catch me. These thought's clouded my mind one day and then a sting of pain hit me and I immediately drew away from these thoughts. Of course there is someone out there who care's and I know he loves me! Why else would he have died on the cross to save me and then spend his time to keep me safe every moment of every day?

Needless to say I was ashamed of myself for thinking such things, how dare I forget the one that gave all he had to give to set me free? Here I was complaining to myself about how bad my life was, how no one cared... Stupid. If anyone had any complaining it was/is him. He died for everyone because he loved him and they wanted nothing but his death, so he died and gave all of mankind a chance to be with him in heaven and we took it for granted. That is reason to think no one loves you or cares for you. How stupid it is that day after day we think about how misserable we are(which I have found only does to make you worse.) when he was the one that had all there was to give and gave every bit he had for us a very ungrateful and unworthy people. That is love. He love's me and I love him and I'm proud of it. He shouldn't have done what he did on the cross but he did it anyways. He knew we were undeserving and he knew that we didn't deserve a chance at everlasting life but it didn't stop him. His love for us was so great that he knew the future and how bad we would get(we being humans in general.) and yet it didn't stop him. I am so glad that it didn't stop him... That might sound wrong but it wasn't supposed to, what I mean to say is, I am grateful for what he did on the cross even though I didn't deserve it I am glad that, even though he knew that alls we would ever do is persecute him he died for us. I'm sorry that his blood was shed, I'm sorry that he suffered pain, but I'm so grateful to him for doing so.

I don't want to complain an overly large amount, even saying that I know I will complain again in the future, but I just want to remember what he went through and that I have no reason(well... some reason but nothing compared to his reason lol.) to complain. I want to always remember that God loves me and that I should love him also.(and I do.)

-Sharri.