My life is interesting...

Alot has happened that I simply haven't posted anything about because I haven't posted anything in quite sometime so this is going to be a long one(unless I cut it short). Enjoy :)

At around(I think) the middle of September(maybe it was earlier) my sister started dating this guy Michael. Michael lives in Wolftown Virginia.... Very far from Cleveland Tennessee. He is a great guy, very tender and sweet, a good sense of humor and a very gently individual. Unfortunately it didn't work out between them :( but Michele met someone(just a figure of speech, she already knew him) else. His name is Toby and he is an equally awesome guy. He's kind, funny and perfect for my sister. They make eachother happy and as long as my sister is happy thats all that matters and if anyone upsets her I would probably be the first to take their head clean of their shoulders because I love her to bits :)

They have already been on lots of dates(chaperoned by none other than myself :D). They really seem to like eachother, which is good because I think that they are good for eachother(if nothing else because they make an awesome team on most video games... j/k :P). The fact that they have known eachother as friends for three years without liking eachother means that they know how to be real around eachother without worrying about what the other one thinks because after knowing eachother for three years and they like eachother its probably genuine. I hope everything works out for them because they deserve eachother(something I rarely say so now you know that Toby is an awesome guy cause hardly anyone deserves my sister). I would say now that he had better treat her right, but I know that I don't have to worry about that as long as she's with him.

GATLINBURGH!!!!

Some Saturday in January we went to Gatlinburgh it was Toby, Michele, Jessie(An awesome girl I go to church with), Micah(An awesome guy I go to church with(also Jessie's boyfriend)), Tristan(Toby's friend from work), and me. We went out to eat at T.G.I. Fridays and we also played mini gulf, visited about twenty ninja stores, went to two haunted houses, played in an Arcade for a bit, and ate at Mel's Diner on the way back. It was a blast. The best part of the day however, I would have to say, was the first haunted house we went to. Multiple hilarious things happened in that haunted house....

"Walk in a single file line with your hand on the shoulder of the person in front of you." I heard the worker say as we walked into the haunted house. Jessie and Micah had gone to Ripley's Museum leaving Toby, Michele, Tristan and I to venture into the haunted house by ourselves. There were two people in the front that we didn't know. In the order of front to back Michele was behind the two people we didn't know, than Toby, and than me, and than Tristan. Doing as we were told we made a human chain, hand to shoulder. During some random point as we walked through the dark hallway I felt Tristans hand leave my shoulder. "Tristan?" I said. No response. "Where did you go?" I still didn't get an answer as we continued to walk through the haunted house. This made me paranoid to begin with. As we started to walk into another room Tristan seized his chance, he jumped out grabbed me by the shoulders and I don't know if he made any scary noise because I screamed so loud that it probably blocked it out. "Tristan I'm gonna shoot you after this!" I yelled when I realised who it was. He simply laughed of course.

As we made our way into the next room a faint red light lit up the hallway. Fake body bags hung from the ceiling. Chain-link fencing was placed randomly in the room. Red paint splattered the walls. On the other side of the room a man stood behind a fenced in room with a body lying on a table before him. He took out what appeared to be some sort of innerd(actually just a sock full of beanies and soaked in water) from the fake corpse and threw it hard against the chain-link fence to splatter "blood" across the spectators. Unfortunately I was still fussing at Tristan when it happened so we both missed it. Michele(who tends to lighten the mood on things) looked at the man "That was kool but my friends missed it, could you do it again please?" she asked quite simply. Dumb-founded the employee(obviously not seeing how we could possibly miss it) said "Open your eyes!" he did it again and than sighed. As we left the room I heard him say "I never had a request before..." I couldn't help but laugh.

The next "interesting" room we entered was the hallway with spinning walls and a bridge that goes through the middle. It throws you off ballance and makes you feel like your walking sideways. After spending too much time in this particular room I started feeling sick and walked to the room on the other side of the bridge. After a while Tristan came to see if I was okay. I told him yes and he started to go back into the room when I heard Michele say, "I can run through without using my hands, watch this!" unfortunately Michele didn't know that it also messed with your depth perception. Alls I saw was Michele flying past Tristan and me and running into the wall. I laughed so hard I felt like they would have to carry me out due to how badly my abbs were hurting. This was possibly the most hilarious thing that happened that day. I don't think that I'll ever forget it.

Finally after leaving that room we started back to the entrance. The people who had come at the same time as us were long gone by now. I think we had spent a top of fifteen minutes in that one room. It was so dark that I couldn't see two inches in front of my face. I had to rely completely on Tobys navigational skills as he had now taken the lead and Michele was the one who I was holding the shoulder of. I suddenly felt the walls close in on me from either side, I assume that the walls were actually some inflatable material and we now had to squeeze through them to get to the other side. Behind me I heard Tristan say "Ouch, I just ran into a wall." This struck me as odd since it was physically impossible to run into anything because of how tight of a fit it was.

"THIS WAY OUT" The sign in front of us read. Instead of following the sign, however, we decided to inspect the rest of the hallway. In the back there was a door with a window on it behind the window there was a figure. Toby knocked on the glass. He thought he saw him flench but when he didn't move beyond that Toby thought it was just a manacan. As we started to walk back we heard the door open and turned around. "Can't you read moron?!" The man yelled "What are you retarded?!" He said once more. He closed the door. I laughed as we walked towards the exit. We heard a loud noise like a chainsaw and the man followed us out the exit with a fake chainsaw like a zombie "Here take the small one!" Tristan said as he grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me towards the guy with the chainsaw. We left the haunted house and the moment we stepped outside the exit we heard pretty peaceful music playing. It was a very, very fun day. :)

I can't think of anything else important but that was the good stuff :)

Confronting your fears! =)

Unfortunately this is something I'm not ultimately good at. I have more the tendency to shreak and run the opposite direction like the coward I am =P. But even so I realise that there are some things in life that are just better left delt with. One of my greatest fears is of loneliness, I'm sure there is no one who wants to be lonely but it's not just fear of never meeting the illusive "right one" either. I have never been so lonely that I ponder if I will die alone(thank God) but even so loneliness can drive people to do many stupid things in life. It causes the mind to wander places that it shouldn't. This is why I refuse to be lonely. I have amazing friends and an even better family, and though on occasion I may wish for more than friends and family(hasn't happened yet), if I remember that my friends and family can be there for me just as much as anyone else, than I have nothing to wish for because I have it already. I do want to one day find my "special someone" but I refuse to get desperate and I refuse to settle for less than what God has planned for me. I trust God enough that if he wants me to meet someone special than he will place that person in my life(if he hasn't already) but I will live my life happily whether with my friends and family or with them plus "the right one". :)

"Surprise!" "What?"

My friends are so awesome that I sometimes find myself wondering if I deserve them... Tuesday night after church my best friend Rachael came to sit next to me "Hey, we are having some friends over after church to drink some hot chocolate if you want to come." she said "Oh well I might be able to come over, I think mom said something about having work to do." "I'll help ask if you think it will help convince her." she said enthusiastically(you would have thought that we were twelve.) we than decided to locate my mother "Please!!!" we begged after asking if I could come over. "No, not tonight," my mom started "I'm so tired, I just need to go to sleep." "Oh okay." was my reply. "Well sorry Rachael." "It's okay." Her and some of my friends left shortly afterwards. We were the last to leave. "Do you think people are still at the Roddericks?" Mom asked. "No I doubt it." Dad replied. "Well, they left only a little before we did." I cut in. "Nah, lets go home." Dad said. "Well, we'll stop by and see but we can only stay for a little while." said mom. When we pulled up Rachael was sitting on the porch by herself. "Why is she outside by herself when her friends are here?" I asked out loud. "I wonder if she's okay, I'll go see." I decided. I got out of the car and proceeded to question Rachael. "You got to come!" She exclaimed and gave me a hug grabbed my hand and rushed me to the door. "Yeah they decided we could on the way-" I was cut off as the door opened "Surprise!!!!" they all shouted. Needless to say I was quite stunned I almost screamed myself. Surprised I was, it was very unexpected. "You should have seen the look on your face, you just about jumped out of your skin." Seth said later on in the night. "Well, it was pretty surprising." I said half zoned out from the night.

I have never had friends that would care enough for me to do something like that. I was amazed. The most shocking part of the night was when I found out who thought to throw me a party, it was definitely the last person I expected, I thanked him and his sister for planning it. It was a good night all in all. My first feeling was happiness but the after thought was fear.. I've always been cautious of who I allow myself to get close to, the only thing certain and constant I have come to find is that people come and people go and too many people have gone... I guess I'm scared that I might lose these people, and they actually do care for me as much as I care for them, to lose them is the last thing I want in life, but one day it is inevitable either I will lose them, or they will lose me...

Sweet 16

"When is your birthday?" asked April. Sunday night we had went to the Oasis building to help rearrange some tables for the Fall Festival. "This coming Thursday." I replied. "Wow, this Thursday? I mean, I knew it was on November eleven, I just hadn't gathered that it was actually November already." Said Rachael. "How old will you be?" asked April. "Sixteen" I replied. "What will you do for your birthday?" asked Leah. For a short moment I reflected on the past three years. "Probably nothing." I said. "What? Why not? It's your sixteenth birthday." Said Leah. "I don't know, I've not really had a birthday party for the past two or three years so, I don't really see a reason to have one now, besides, we're all busy moving." I said simply. "Can't you ask your mom and dad to throw you a party?" she asked. "I could but if the idea isn't theirs' then they probably don't really want to and if they don't want to than I don't want them to." I said quite simply.

The Night Before.

"So your birthday is coming up." Said Kristi. "Ooooh! What are you gonna do?" asked her sister Felisha. "Um I don't know, probably nothing special." I said. "Oh... We don't normally have a party for my birthday either." said Kristi. "Just a little family get together with a cake." "That's nice." I said. "Nice? I don't get to see any of my friends.." She said. I wasn't trying to sound mopy... I really don't care. "At least you have a cake." I replied. I guess I shouldn't have said it. I really don't even like cake I was just saying it could be worse. "What do you mean? You don't get a cake?" She asked. "Well, I'm pretty sure I would get one if I asked for one." I said simply again. "But they don't buy you one? It's like a tradition. You're always supposed to have a cake on you're birthday." She insisted. "Why?" I said bluntly. "Because," she laughed "it's a cake, you don't need a reason why." 'I would rather blow the candles out of ice cream than a cake anyways.' I thought. "okay." I said giving up on arguing with her.

Friday.

"What do you want for your birthday?" Asked Dad. "You ask me that every year, I always tell you the same thing, I don't know." 'when will they stop asking?' I thought as sighed. "Well if you don't tell me I won't know what to get you." Said Dad. 'Which is exactly why I don't tell you.' I thought once more but decided to remain silent.

The thing is, whenever my birthday comes around I am reminded how little everyone knows me. There are few material things in life that I want. Other than that I just want to know that they care. A party where the family or friends decided to throw it for you without even seeing if you wanted one just because they wanted to be nice, that says "I care". And if you have to ask me what I want for my birthday than that says. "I don't know you well enough to know what you want without having to ask you" that or "I don't feel like taking the time to think about what you like or what you might want for your birthday". So if you want to know what for I want for my birthday it's for you to figure it out on your own. I'm not trying to be mean but every time someone asks what I want for my birthday I feel like it's for one of the reasons above. If you ask me the best gift you can give is a gift that says I care...

A casual wednesday at the Brown house...

"Late for another Funeral.." Dad said as he scurried out of his bedroom. Yes, a funeral, recently we had went to sing for a dieing old lady, she was so precious and totally ready for what was coming. She felt she was prepared. The last song we sang was "Amazing Grace" and it was so sweet that she joined in. This was the same lady who's funeral they were attending. Recently our lives have been rather hectic. Quite sometime ago I posted a blog saying we were moving to Athens from Cleveland.... Now we are in the process of moving back to Cleveland from Athens. It's a very long and somewhat confusing story that I wouldn't dare make you endure. This Wednesday isn't casual due to the fact that Mom and Dad were attending a funeral(I don't want you to think that we attend funerals on a regular basis. XP) it is simply normal because it is so full. Not only did they have a funeral to attend but tonight we will also be going to a church service with Bro. Wynn in knoxville, and tomorrow, we have grandma and grandpa visiting, Friday we have a friend spending the night as well as dinner and a movie with our friends at 7:00-whenever (I'm not sure if we will go or not) as well as a youth group trip to a corn maze at 1:00 on Saturday... *sighs* I have a feeling that the days will be getting longer... Oh well. :)

Big Sensitive Guy

Okay, okay, he's not really that sensitive. I can understand why he would be upset. I was such a jerk to him and I don't know why, I was just joking but I guess I touched on something that was a little more than a joke to him. The last thing he said to me that night was "I'm sorry I'll be around tomorrow to make your life miserable." that put a somewhat sinking feeling in my stomach. 'You don't make my life miserable!' I wanted to yell so loudly, 'You make it anything but...' of course, I'm not a very gutsy person as well as the fact that he was already in his car and gone.

The next morning he actually was acting all happy and he was being a lot of fun to be around. We hung out a lot of the day. Since he was acting so nice I didn't think to say anything about the night before to him. Then during the service we were running camera and I noticed how bad my thumb looked(A completely different story) "Hey *person*," I said "yeah?" he asked "remember how I told you last night about when I hurt my thumb?" "No I don't think so." he replied. "Oh you don't?" I said once more, I know I had told him about it. "Oh yeah," he said "that was right before you started telling me that I'm a gloomy person and need to cheer up or people weren't going to want to be around me." he stated quite simply "I remember now." I cried.... I didn't mean to upset him and the fact that he was bringing it up again must mean that I really did hurt his feelings. 'But I never said people won't want to be around him I was talking about myself' (It's a very long and detailed story that I don't feel like typing out right now).

So whenever we got off camera's the moment service was over I asked him about it. "Hey *person*, did I offend or upset you last night?" I asked him. "A little..." He replied. "Well I really am sorry... I didn't mean to I was just joking, and you're my friend and I do care about how you feel, especially if the way you feel is a result of my actions or behavior... So... I'm really, really sorry..." I said, feeling much better after having done so. "It's okay, it's not like I was mad, I was just... I don't know." He said and smiled at me.

So that's over and done with, and my feeling bad for offending him wasn't why I posted this blog. How many times have I offended someone and they just haven't told me? Well there is a very easy way of telling whether or not I'm serious about the things I say, if I'm serious then I won't say it, if I'm joking I will. It might seem strange but I have this thing about upsetting people, I don't like to and I would never do it on purpose. So if I feel the things that I'm saying are true and might upset the person, especially if I'm speaking seriously to this person, than I will keep my mouth shut. However if I feel the things I'm saying are totally untrue and won't upset them than I say it as a joke(like someone calling me fat, having a waist-size of a tooth-pick I obviously won't be offended). So if you ever catch me saying something that offends you, you should actually be pleased cause I mean the total opposite. :D Does that make sense?

Neat Freak..?

My sister went to stay with my sister in Murfreesboro for a week while Jack(my nephew) stayed with us. I never realized how much of a neat freak I was untill she left.(Not that she's a slob just that it's easier for me to keep my stuff clean whenever it's just me) Our room has never been so clean and it has stayed that way for the entire week. Recently one of my brothers came into the room and moved something and they were so shocked when I freaked out on them because I had been unable to find it. "Everything has it's place if you would just put it back where you found it than things would be alot more simple." The statement(after I had made it) shocked me to. I'm not a super clean neat freak that panics everytime something touches the floor, I would just prefer it not to. I'm still trying to find out if it's a good or bad thing. I used to get annoyed with my grandmother because she is so clean and now I feel odd because I realize how clean I am.. I guess it's not bad to be clean and neat, I just need to not be annoying in doing so. :)